elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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