Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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