i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
