The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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