I think im going to throw up on grandma
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
