so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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