he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This baby is an asshole
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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