I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
