you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
