my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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