I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I still have a little drunk in my system
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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