party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
