yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
