i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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