I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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