And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
