mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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