rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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