I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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