thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
