Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
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