I need to stop coming to work sober
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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