Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
