Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
