Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize