Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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