Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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