whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
