And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
