I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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