I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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