I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My feet surprised me
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