Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
