Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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