I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
