Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
