i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
