we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
