you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
