On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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