I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
