I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
