me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
