I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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