hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
