please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
