Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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