So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
well you can't waste a boner
We got so high we made milksteak
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
