the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
someone threw a dead crab at me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
