youre lurking in front of me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
