How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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