Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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