I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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