"it" just moved
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
