You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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