Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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