She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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