The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
