I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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