I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Damn victory sex feels great
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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