yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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