i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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