Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
