remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
